I can write thousand words about how hurt I am, I can show enough proof to let others know that you might lead me on to something that turned out to be nothing. I can do every possible ways to let the whole world know about what we had and what we had become. I can but I won’t. Why? It’s useless. You consumed too much time and space in my mind and heart. Now I am letting the pieces go little by little and eventually all about you will be a blur and forgotten. When that happens my heart is clutter-free and ready to fill in for the next person and it will be much bigger ‘cause every time you learn from a bad experience your heart widens to accommodate all the love people can give you.
Released from Confusion
I admit that the first time I met you I didn’t like you. After some weeks we got to know each other. I was entwined and thrilled about you. I came to know that we can easily talk to each other and talked about what ever. Even our problems and misgivings. The minutes became hours and days became months whenever I talk to you. The way my heart beats when I see you or when your name pops on my cellphone screen sent jolt of excitement. It brought smile to my face whenever you message me on facebook and little things that you say that makes my heart melt in an instant. You made me feel important and worth of something. You were the first person in my mind when I woke up and last when I went to sleep. I knew what I was feeling but I never thought I could feel it again. I was starting to fall in love with a man who considers me as a friend and nothing more. There was a time I confessed my feelings to you but you said “Why me?” and “It should be some one else and not me.”.
I was devastated when you said that. I was furious with myself for saying such stupid things and just said to forget what I said. We never really talked about it again and I was petrified to even mention about it. I was blinding myself from the truth. Everytime we talked we go on with our usual pursuit of happiness. One day I can no longer conceal what I felt and told you all about my feelings because I knew that once it was all out I can start to forget what I felt. You laughed about it and even teased me once in a while. I told myself to go on with life without you. We communicate every now and then but not like before. I withdrew myself from you so that I can move on. I tell myself each and every day to move on and forget you. Nine months of convincing myself to move on. The nine grueling months I know I survived to mend my heart. How? You proved to me that I can now give my heart to someone who can really care and treasure it.
I don’t care about your new girl, you don’t need to shove it in my face for me to understand that because from the very beginning I know I was just a FRIEND to you. You said I was jealous, the mere fact that I didn’t flinch if you were with someone else confirmed my feelings about you. I am no longer trapped in your spell. I am free.
Pasensya kana kung hindi na ako baliw na baliw sayo. Ganon talaga hindi lang ikaw pwede kong magustuhan sa mundong ito.
Pag nakapag move on na ba makakalimutan mo na siya? Yung literal na kalimutan yung taong minahal mo at nasaktan ka? Parang imposibleng mangyari. Oo may mga pagkakataong sasagi pa rin siya sa isip mo pero hindi na bawat galaw mo siya yung naalala mo. Pag may nagtext sa cellphone mo hindi na nasasagi sa isip mo na sana siya yung nagtext, curious kana kung sino ang nagtext. Hindi kana umaasa sa text niya o sa tawag niya. Pero hindi mo siya makakalimutan, maalala mo pa rin siya. Parang si “the confusing guy” naalala ko siya kanina habang naliligo! HEP! Bago pa dumumi isip niyo, ganito kasi yon. Habang naliligo nakita ko yung bowl medyo madumi na at kailangan ng linisan ng domex. Tapos naalala ko yung commercial nung may Got to Believe pa, yung si Chichay at Mama Bear. Naalala niyo yun? Well ako oo. Yung word lang naman na Mama Bear kasi ganun tinawag sa akin noon ni TCG. Mapapasmile kana lang din kasi yun yung mga times na di mo mapigilan yung ngiti mo sa sobrang kilig.
Minsan naman pag may nakita kang kapangalan niya maalala mo din siya, tapos minsan maiinis kapa kasi yun yung pangalan na nakikita mo pero after nun wala na. Minsan yung kung saan siya nag graduate, pag narinig na or nabasa yung FEU ayun na, pangalan niya nagpa-pop sa isip mo. Pati commercial ng RCBC. Nakanang lahat na lang haha. Pero hindi na madalas promise. Nasa gitna pa siguro ako ng depression at acceptance. Kailangan pa ng time para talagang nasa sukdulan nako ng acceptance.
Kailangan lang talaga ng patience para talagang makapag move on na completely. Hindi naman masama na maalala mo pa rin yung taong nagpasaya sayo kahit na nasaktan ka ang importante nagmomove on ka, alam mo na dapat mag move on ka. Kaya ipursue ang association ng pag momove on. 😃😃
BALIK ALINDOG 2.0
Akalain mong tumakbo ako kasama mga bro’s and dude’s ko. In short mga lalaki ko pero mas lalaki pa ko sa kanila. Niyaya nilala ko mag jog. After walking, running and 2 tapilok which is masakit. Medyo bitin ako kasi di na ko makatakbo dahil sa injury but nevertheless I enjoyed the company of my brothers.
The grass is so vibrant. Na-amaze ako. HAHA Kahit na medyo pa dahil na rin sa pag ulan the past few days.
Say hello to my sprained ankle and my bandaging skills. :D
Nakapagfreshen up na ako dito. Di yan after takbo peys. Tomorrow ulit pero gabi naman tamad na daw sila gumising ng maaga. Ako nga di nakatulog baka kasi matulugan ko yung alarm. :)